A GRIM FAIRY TALE, by Robert Stirniman Once upon a time the brave knights of the realm captured a strange wizard of unidentified foreign origin - UFO. There were no majic amulets or potions found with him, but he did have a remarkable bottle with an unusual cap. During interrogation, the wizard would say little, except that the bottle contained powerful, and possibly dangerous majic, and should probably never be opened. Shortly thereafter, he vanished mysteriously, leaving only the bottle as proof that he had been there. The king convened a committee of twelve of his ablest ministers to discuss the majic bottle. Each examined it carefully, and each reported that it was an important find, unlike any ever seen before, and that further study was necessary. Nearly all the members of the committee were practitioners of the powers of majic, and all believed strongly in the ability to use majic in a just fashion to smite the evil empire that was the realm's main adversary. Knowledge of the existence of the strange wizard and the majic bottle was declared a matter of royal blue security. Disclosure of the crown secret was a treasonous act punishable by sentence of insanity and psychic torture. Rumors about the majic bottle were quelled with the story that it had proven to be a simple precipitation conjuring instrument used by the Agricultural Bureau of the majicians guild. The committee of wise men recommended itself as a permanent advisory council to the king, with the authority to interpret all matters of majic for the benefit of the crown. The king being an adept politician, but with a natural fear of the power of majic, agreed that the majic council could continue to convene and advise him, but only on a temporary basis until the matter of the origin and purpose of the bottle was settled. Other issues dealing with majic would continue to be handled through the normal channels of the majicians guild. After months of study, nothing of import was learned about the majic bottle. The majic council unanimously decided to recommend to the king that the bottle cap be removed briefly in order to take a quick look inside. The king had strong reservations, but could find none amongst his ministers who opposed the opinion of the council. He reluctantly agreed. The realm's most reliable knight was selected for conducting the bottle opening experiment, and a room was carefully prepared in the deepest and most secure dungeon of the castle. The knight was instructed and trained in great detail in how to quickly remove and secure the bottle cap. All possible precautions were taken and all situations and scenarios were considered in utmost detail. When the knight removed the cap, a slightly odd looking Genie appeared instantly, and said "Thank you sir for allowing me to visit you. My name is meNoframoit. It is my duty to serve others. How may I be of service?" The knight had no idea how to respond, and immediately replaced the cap. The Genie remained and again asked, "How may I be of service?" The dungeon and Genie were thoroughly secured with a full-time watch of the realm's most diligent knights. Some of the members of the Majic Council were alarmed by the existence of the Genie, and other members were curiously elated. All had opinions, but none were confident about the best course of action. There was a diversity of recommendations and suggestions in the council's report. The king saw the confusion, and felt danger in the Genie's unknown authority. He quickly decided that it would be best to command the Genie to return to the bottle. Most members of the Majic Council were disheartened by the king's decision. The council was able to convince the king that it would be prudent to wait a short time and give the problem thorough and careful consideration before taking any possibly rash action. Mumblings and ugly jokes about crown cowardice and backwardness began to be heard in cloakrooms and barrooms of the kingdom. At the same time, the majicians guild began to increase its clamorings for greater expenditures of crown gold, for training more wizards, and discovery of new spells and conjuring devices, for defense against the increasingly powerful majic of the evil empire. The council prepared an updated report for the king. The consensus recommendation was that before asking the Genie to return to the bottle, it would be prudent to at least inquire about his knowledge and capabilities. They convinced the king that there could be little or no danger in a few carefully considered questions. When asked about his powers, the Genie replied, "I am called meNoframoit. I have knowledge of majic and capabilities far beyond your wildest comprehension and my purpose is to share it with you if you so desire. I am of course compelled by the Genie of Genies to tell you that possession of majic which is not thoroughly mastered by your wizards can sometimes be dangerous. And, if you choose to refuse my services, I must return to the bottle for another thousand years. So -- How may I be of service?" A majority of the Majic Council were encouraged by the Genie's response, some members were astounded, and some were fearful. All agreed that the Genie could possibly prove to be very valuable, but might or might not be trustworthy. All on the council agreed that it would be an act of foolish cowardice to command the Genie to go away. The king was apprehensive and silently wished that the bottle had never been found. Months of hard work were spent in preparation and discussion of what to ask of the Genie. Some of the council preferred to seek answers to general questions of majic, and some were more interested in specific majic devices for immediate use against the evil empire. After lengthy arguments, a brief list of useful requests was prepared. Extensive efforts and all possible thoughtful considerations were made to assure that these requests were absolutely foolproof and inherently safe. The Genie responded to the requests with the immediate materialization of a variety of majic formulas, articles, composites, and drawings -- as well as a few working devices. He then commented, "Perhaps when you are done examining these trifles and gadgets you will ask me for some things of real value." The Majic Council was delighted with the scope of the new found majic and became joyfully optimistic about the promise of future power and glory for the realm. The king tried to share their enthusiasm, but could not shake a feeling of dread. Most of the members of the council did not have the expertise in wizardry required for proper evaluation of the materials from the Genie. A new branch of the majicians guild, named the MASON Majicians, was founded to interpret and apply the new knowledge. Some of the realm's best and brightest wizards, after passing a most thorough crown loyalty test, were invited to join the new priesthood. Security was increased to an unprecedented level. In order to garner the greatest political effect from the new majic power, it was decided that other kingdoms and empires, friend and foe alike, should be left in awe of the advanced and apparently unmatchable capabilities of the realm's wizards. Extreme care was taken so that everyone outside of the Majic Council, the priesthood of MASON Majicians, and the necessary security and logistic staffs, would remain completely unaware of the unusual source of the realm's new majic. The council also reminded the king that control of the kingdom's own population, and most importantly the ability to enforce tax collection, had always been a tenuous thing, and could be greatly diminished if the people became aware that there was an authority in the kingdom which might be more powerful than the crown itself. One of the scribes to the council who was overheard chiding -- "Yeh, plus you guys might all have to get real jobs", was promoted to a new and important position, maintaining the royal HARP, in one of the realm's strategic frontier regions. In spite of extreme security precautions, rumors of the existence of an unusual new source of powerful majic began to spread throughout the realm, and also into other kingdoms. People who persisted in talking about the rumor were fiercely ridiculed and generally considered to be goofy. None the less, many continued. The MASON Majicians proved to be marvelously successful at interpreting and implementing the Genie's majic. After a short time, the forces of the evil empire collapsed in disarray in the face of the clearly superior powers of the realm. And eventually all the world's kingdoms and empires developed a grumbling respect for the fearsome and instantly destructive power of the realm's majic. The king became recognized worldwide as an authority figure, but in truth, knew himself to be an impotent illusion of a popular leader. An increase in royal income and crown gold was severely needed to repay the large debt which had been incurred in implementing the new majic and in producing the devices and forces necessary to subdue the evil empire. There were also substantial on-going costs for providing sufficient majic forces to maintain the Realm's ideal version of world peace. It was unfortunate but absolutely necessary to impose a temporary increase in the people's royal gold tithe. Some subjects became unduly upset by the temporary increase, and a few unloyal curs began to spread the false rumor that the increase might become permanent. Popular morale and overall commercial activity decreased. Tragicly, even with the higher tithe, crown revenues diminished rather than increased. Fortunately the Genie was able to provide a variety of new majic formulas and portents for increasing crown income. A new branch of the majicians guild, the Financier Bureau, was founded to implement new majic such as: special paper imprinted with the king's image to serve as a promise to pay real gold which did not actually exist in the treasury, regular monetary inflation and devaluation of the people's wealth, convenient credit cards and easy usurious debt, psychic advertising and creation of an insatiable desire by people to give up savings and future security in return for the pleasure of ownership of a never ending stream of new and relatively valueless possessions, lotteries and gambling casinos, royal license and service fees for nearly all conceivable activities, crazily complicated laws and court systems revised and further confused on a regular basis, financial gambling instruments and artificially rigged financial market-casinos, license fees and fines at every turn and minor indiscretion, and crown regulation and control of important commercial activities such as utilities, communications, transportation, and addictive substances. With the new financial majic, the Financier Bureau always managed to create as much money as was immediately needed for crown activities. But due to bad luck and a variety of one-time emergency requirements there seemed to be a never ending need to create even more money, along with a continually increasing amount of royal debt. A new branch of the majicians guild, the Economist Bureau, was founded to study and analyze the situation. In spite of all the realm's powerful majic and notable successes, a spiritual malady settled over the land. Many people were dissatisfied. Some were angry, and a small but alarming number were becoming uncivil to crown authority. The usual small number of sociopathic criminal elements seemed to be abnormally high. Opinion polls consistently found that a majority of subjects did not have automatic trust in the words of the king. And for some reason the most important crown ministers, especially the Majic Council, all seemed to have developed a knack for completely avoiding the public eye. The Genie was asked to provide new majic which would increase popular morale. He replied, "I am meNoframoit. It is my duty to serve others, and I have vast experience in how to make people happy. There is more majic available for this purpose than for any other. Nearly all of this majic follows three simple rules. Occasionally, and not infrequently, provide your subjects with more than too much of whatever gives them pleasure. Provide them with sufficient on-going scandals and distractions for them to expend their need for derision, and thereby dilute their feelings of dissatisfaction. And, do not reason with the people or overeducate them, or they will never achieve contentment. Here's a few formulas and conjuring devices to start with. If your subjects become bored with these, do not be concerned, I have many many more." The Morale Bureau of the majicians guild was founded to implement the new majic. The new bureau was successful in producing a measurable, but relatively modest, increase in public satisfaction. However, an ever increasing amount of majic, as well continual introduction of new majic tricks became necessary to maintain this level. Within a few years, a variety of divisions had become established within the Morale Bureau, including: Show Makers and Entertainers, Publishers and Journalers, Opinion Makers and Psychers, Tabloiders and Muckers, Advertisers and Imagers, Ball Gamers and Athleters, Culters and Occulters, Rockers and Rollers, Beautifiers and Body Shapers, Arcaders and Gamers, Betters Bookers and Brokers, Welfarers and Dolers, Pushers and Dopers, Panderers and Pornographers, and Socialers and Status Setters. The budget of the Morale Bureau was continually rising to new and ever higher astronomical amounts. Any slight decrease in expenditures by any of the many divisions of the bureau was found to result in an immediate and alarming plummet in the level of public satisfaction. In a probably unrelated development, people were becoming generally less conscientious in the performance of their work and a small but growing number of people had somehow acquired a perverse disdain for performing any duties whatsoever. Manufacturing of goods became a second rate profession, and people of above average ability quickly migrated to socially fulfilling and better paying positions in the morale and financial sectors. By all measures, the realm's production of real goods was in decline. The Economist Bureau was expanded to analyze the situation. In spite of extreme security and secrecy measures, rumors and stories about genies continued to circulate and spread throughout the realm, and also throughout other kingdoms. Intense and prolonged efforts were made by all bureaus of the majicians guild to discourage and ridicule belief in genies. None the less, in the very face of crown authority, many people continued to believe in genies. Some even organized bizarre political cults to demand an end to genie secrecy. Oddly enough, many more than a few people began to claim to have seen genies personally. And a few people and genie cults, within the realm and in other kingdoms, began to exhibit highly unusual knowledge of heretofore unseen majic. The Majic Council became concerned, and commissioned an in-depth and ruthless investigation of all reported genie phenomena. In face of irrefutable evidence, the council was forced to conclude that something strange and dangerous seemed to be afoot in the land. It was decided to inquire of the Genie about the genie phenomena. The Genie explained casually, "Of course its true that many people know of the power of genies. I am meNoframoit. I am here to serve others, including anyone who has the knowledge to request my services." The council did not see how he could serve others when he was under constant and extremely vigilant surveillance in his secure room in the dungeon, and was kept busy nearly full time serving the MASON, Financier, and Morale bureaus. The Genie patiently explained, "Its no problem. Its my duty to serve others. When someone requires my services, I provide them with a clone of myself. There are now thousands of genies just like me operating throughout your world." The Majic Council was aroused to near panic and beseeched the king to personally command the Genie to make all the other genies disappear, and to return immediately to the bottle. Upon hearing the king's command, the Genie laughed uproariously, and said, "I can not. It is my duty to serve others as well as yourselves. The best way for me to serve others is to continue to reform this world in the proper order of the Genie way." The genie problem was spinning out of control. The king saw that outside help was desperately needed and asked the Genie to bring back the strange wizard who had originally brought the majic bottle. With a good humored condescending smile, the Genie said, "I am meNoframoit. I must be of service to you, and the wizard is not the best way to serve you. He was created by me to be my deliverer, and can do nothing for you that I can not do. So -- How may I be of service?" The king became overcome with morbid curiosity and began to ask the Genie a variety of personal questions, including the meaning of the name meNoframoit. The genie replied, "There is no good translation in your awkward language, but if it will serve you, you may call me Pasture Maker." And they all came to know that living happily ever after was something that only happens in fairy tales and to domestic animals. ===================================================================