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Internet Book of Shadows, (Various Authors), [1999], at

        *  or  *
         How I Found Goddess
        And What I Did To Her
           When I Found Her
         Wherein Is Explained
        Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing
      About Absolutely Anything
                                  Published By:
                              LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED
                                  PO BOX 1197
                            Port Townsend, WA 98368
 Transcribed to 1's and 0's by Druel the Chaotic, WPI Discordian Society
                                                  Cabal of the Unemployed
 {calendar entered by /AHM/THX }
         You hold in your hands one the Great Books of our century fnord.
         Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of
 critical huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's ULYSSES. Others appear
 almost furtively and are only discovered 50 years later, like MOBY DICK
 or Mendel's great essay on genetics. The PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA entered our
 space-time continuum almost as unobtrusively as a cat-burglar creeping
 over a windowsill.
         In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In
 1970,hundreds of people coast to coast were talking about it and asking
 the identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors
 swept across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle
 to St. Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No,said
 another legend -- the PRINCIPIA was actually the work of the Sufi Order.
 A third, very intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen-name for
 Richard M. Nixon, who had allegedly composed the PRINCIPIA during a few
 moments of lucidity. I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to
 help spread them. I was also careful never to contradict the occasional
 rumors that I had actually written the whole thing myself during an acid
         The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the
 mid-1970's, thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and
 Australia, were talking about the PRINCIPIA, and since the original was
 out of print by then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate here and
      When the ILLUMINATUS trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob
 Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by
 the quotes from the PRINCIPIA with which we had decorated the heads of
 several chapters. Many, who had already heard of the PRINCIPIA or seen
 copies, asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies
 available. Others wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had
 invented the way H.P. Lovecraft invented the NECRONOMICON. We answered
 according to our moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading
 the most Godawful lies and myths we could devise fnord.
         Why not? We felt that this book was a true Classic (literatus
 immortalis) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet
 discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage
 the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people wrote
 to ask  me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always told
 them he had, except on Fridays whem I am more whimsical, in which case
 I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intellgence --
 vast,cool,and unsympathic -- from the Dog Star, Sirius.
         Now, at last, the truth can be told.
      Actually, the PRINCIPIA is the work of a time-travelling
 anthropologist from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among us
 as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory
 Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic
 poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th Century was the
 mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great
 Seal of the United States.
      I have it on good authority that he is one of the most
 accomplished time-travelers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many
 times in the past,using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias,
 Emperor Norton, Count Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquaitaine, etc.
 Whenever I question him about this, he grows very evasive and attempts
 to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th Century Earthman
 and that all my ideas about his extraterrrestrial and extratemporal
 origin and delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived. After all, a
 time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could
 observe us without his presense causing cultureshock.
      I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward to this
 edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but don't
 believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan put-on, the
 plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all the branches of
 guerilla ontology.
      For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in conjunc-
 tion with THE ILLUMINOIDS by Neal Wilgus (Sun Press, Albuquerque, NM)
 and ZEN WITHOUT ZEN MASTERS by Camden Benares (And/Or Press, Berkeley,
 California). "We are operating on many levels here", as Ken Kesey used
 to say.
      In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things go on as they always
 have, getting weirder all the time.
         Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?
         -Robert Anton Wilson
         International Arms and Hashish Inc.
         Darra Bazar, Kohat
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A jug of wine,
 A leg of lamb
 And thou!
 Beside me,
 Whistling in 
 the darkness.
 Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
   - The Book of Uterus 1;5
 Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE
 GREATER POOP:Are you really serious or what?
 MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness
 humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.
 GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
 M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am
 crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.
 GP: Is Eris true?
 M2: Everything is true.
 GP: Even false things?
 M2: Even false things are true.
 GP: How can that be?
 M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.
 GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
 M2: To dissolve them.
 GP: Will you develop that point?
 M2: No.
 GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
 M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain
 meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
 GP: Is that the answer to my question?
 M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your
                             SUSPENDED ANNIHILATION
                                                 ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136
                          Principia Discordia
                How I Found Goddess & What I Did To Her
                            When I found Her
                   being a Beginning Introduction to
                         The Erisian Mysterees
                       Which is Most Interesting
                        as Divinely Revealed to
             My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
             Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
                           and HIGH PRIEST of
                     Dedicated to The Prettiest One
                    The Upstart of one hand clapping
                        - JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -
    Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee
 is one manifestation of
 about which
 you will learn more
 and understand
 are a tribe
 of philosophers, theologians,
 magicians, scientists,
 artists, clowns,
 and similar maniacs
 who are intrigued
 and with
 I Tell You: One must 
 still have chaos in one
  to give birth to a
  dancing star! 
 The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth
 Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while
 building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they
 were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours
 of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by
 standing on his head and viewing it upside down.
                          KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
 I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no
 Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian
 Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden
 II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document
 Numbering System.
 III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off
 Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive
 Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of
 Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork),
 of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal),
 and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
 IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the
 Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
 V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he reads.
 Test Question from Topanga Cabal The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School:
 If they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?
 by Camden Benares, The Count of Five
 Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal
 A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America
 confusing.  He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within
 himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.  One
 night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "go to
 the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I have
 written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must
 remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go to the large room
 on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position on top of
 the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate."
      He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was fre-
 quently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the rest of
 the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join
 the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would he
 know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about what the
 people who walked through the room said about him.
      His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of
 his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time two
 people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man
 was sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man.
 Others say he is a shithead."
      Hearing this, the man was enlightened.  
 Western Union Telegram
 To: Jehova Yahweh
 Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666)
 Presidential Tier, Paradise
 Dear God;
 This is to inform you that your current position as diety is herewith
 terminated due to gross incompetence STOP  Your check will be mailed
 Please do not use me for a reference
                 Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather
                 POEE High Priest
 10. The Earth quakes and the heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock
 together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat
 elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just
 11. Indeed do many things come to pass.
         HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
                    -  THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT -
         Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik
 was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid
 trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam,
 and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of
 the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became
      Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and
 Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee
 at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems.
 This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and
 they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt
 in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one,
 "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos
 and strife are the roots of all confusion."
                          FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU
                               WITH FAIRY DUST
 Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence
 enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding
 flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then
 vision returned.
         The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several
 minutes.  They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like
 statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was
 steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had
 been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable to
 account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one
 noticed that the clock had stopped.
 There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the
 muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural
 majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.
 "Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse
 orbit?  Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk?
 And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?"
 And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang
 with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he
 exploded and the two lost consciousness.
         They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the
 bowlers engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee.
 It was apparant that their experience had been private.
         They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from
 memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched
 libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed to
 uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It
 was not until they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they
 discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the
 Romans as DISCORDIA. This was on the fifth night, and when they slept
 that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose eyes were as
 soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the
 spectacular dance of atoms and universes.  Pyrotechnics of pure energy
 formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she
 spoke in a warm and gentle voice:
 I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My conscious-
 ness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this
 development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by 
 misunderstanding.  You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor,
 and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy
 and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the
 sun.  I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and
 scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and
 clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you
 that you are free.
      During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies,
 and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the ancients
 as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still
 considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder
 things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all
 backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every much as
 significant as the principle of order.
         With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a
 meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:
 It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you
 will find anything you like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to
 the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless
 they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN
 ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in
 the State of Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal
         "What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on
 The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"
      And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe.
 Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and
 down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals
 of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be
 high priest of his own madness, and together they declared themselves to
 be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.
 "There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a
 trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also
                                         -Neils Bohr
 "Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next
 "But there is no house next door."
 "No? Then let's go build one!"
 Fnord Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
 Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,  Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
 Fnord, Fnord
 Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.
                             St. Trinian's
                       SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
                             Sewing Circle
                                      by Lord Omar
 Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
 It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
 Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
 Her Apple Corps is strong!
 Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
 Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
 Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
 Her Apple Corps is strong!
 She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*
 So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
 O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
 Her Apple Corps is strong!
 * "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks
 "Ol' Limb' Peak."
 If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?
 "The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses"
                                         -Gen. Geo. A. Custer
                                             People in a Position to
 Know, Inc.
 Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris.
 He replied with these words:
 No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has
 listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say,
 a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire
 village wiped out in a torrential flood.
 "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not
                         (Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison)
 14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is
 Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind
 Everything, as you hurry along the Path.
         HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
 Heaven is down. Hell is up.
 This is proven by the fact 
 that the planets and stars 
 are orderly in their
 movements,                                      IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS
 while down on earth                     The meaning of this is unknown
 we come close to the 
 primal chaos.
 There are four other
 but I forget them.
         -Josh the Dill
          King Kong Kabal
 The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.  
                        DO NOT CIRCULATE!
                      What We Know About ERIS  (not much)
 The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She was shown as a
 grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her
 garment ripped and torn, and women look pale and ghastly when concealing
 a chilly dagger in their bosoms.
 Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was
 the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the
 daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife
 of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and
 sisters include Death, Doom, Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat
 Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like
 One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really
 created all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always
 liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic mat-
 ters. "They were," She added, "victims of indigestion, you know."
 Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is
 mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.
 *THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If
 youhave trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does
 almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of
 the Pineal Gland" 
                                 DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS
                               THE INSIDE STORY!
        The Law of Fives
         the Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was
 first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions
 to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
      POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
 recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr.
 Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Il-
 luminated Seers of Bavaria. 
      The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR
         The Law of Fives is never wrong.
      In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find
 the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
     Please do not use this document as toilet tissue
         The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
         shines by day because, being a woman, it
         is afraid to venture out at night.
 "You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, though
 it does big things badly, does small things badly too."
                                         - John Kenneth Galbraith
                       THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
      It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and
 Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a
 trouble maker.*
      This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**
 and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day
 of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be
 alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.
      Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphro-
 dite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the
 inscription.  And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch
 all over the place and everything.
      Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator
 must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He
 sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother
 had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the
 sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering
 a bribe to Paris.
         Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great
 Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth.
 Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's
 bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.
      As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that
 Pariscould have Helen (The Helen) then living with her husband Mene-
 laus,King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed
 when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to
 be The First War among men.
      And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian
 is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.   Do you believe that?
 ** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of
 metalic gold or acapulco.
 *** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the
 Law of Fives.
                                  DIED FOR
                                  YOUR SINS
                                                         Ho Chi Zen
                                                         King Cong
 5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As We
 Know It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in
 Corporal Form, more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced
 Unbalance, or Unbalanced Balance.
 6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in
 which Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,or
 Stagnation, is attained.
 7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of
 Transition back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the
 Age passeth, finally. These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance.
                 HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3
 Do You Remember?
 1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the ______ of
 An Erisian Hymn
         by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB
              Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
 Onwards Christian Soldiers,
 Onwards Buddhist Priests.
 Onward, Fruits of Islam,
 Fight till you're deceased.
 Fight your little battles.
 Join in thickest fray;
 For the Greater Glory,
 of Dis-cord-i-a.
 Yah, yah, yah,
 Yah, yah, yah, yah.
 Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose,has been
 exposed. It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who
 has been doing all this nose swallowing.
                                         Heute Die Welt
                                         Morgens das Sonnensystem!
                         Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
 Official Proclamation -- ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft3135
                         POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX
 V) The House of Apostle of ERIS
    For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia
    A. The Five Apostles of ERIS
    B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)
    C. Episkoposes of The Discordian Society
    D. POEE Cabal Priests
    E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages
 IV) The House of the Rising Podge
     for the Disciples of Discordia
    A. Office of My High Reverence, The Polyfather
    B. Council of POEE Priests
    D. Eristic Avatars
    E. Aneristic Avatars
 III) The House of the Rising Hodge
      For the Bureaucracy
    A. the Bureau of Erisian Archives
    B. the Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas
    C. The Bureau of Symbols,Emblems, Certificates and Such
    D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The
 Unenlightened  Eristic Horde
    E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and the Administry for the Orders
 of Discordia
 II) The House of the Rising Collapse
    For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the Dis-
 couragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton
    A. The Breeze of Wisdom      and/or  The Wind of Insanity
    B. The Breeze of Integrity   and/or  The Wind of Arrogance
    C. The Breeze of Beauty      and/or  The Wind of Outrages
    D. The Breeze of Love        and/or  The Wind of Bombast
    E. The Breeze of Laughter    and/or  The Wind of Bullshit
 I) The Out House
    For what is left over
    A. Miscellaneous Avatars
    B. The Fifth Column
    C. POEE =POPES= everywhere
    D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
    E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths
                         -><-  OFFICIAL - POEE
                               Head Temple, San Francisco
                               HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
                               Bureau of The POEE Epistolary
                      = THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS =
 The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or any
 POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be
 elaborated or simplified as desired.
 The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS,
 commonly shortened to THE HAND.
 NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the // is taken to symbolize horns,
 especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five
 Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic,
 for the "horns" are supported by another set, of inverted "horns". Or
 maybe it is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell the truth.
         "Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind
         and all that resembles it"
                                -><- POEE -><-
 POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHO-
 OD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent
 deity,reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just
 that nobody pays much attention to us.
 Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of
 The Goddess. He is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in
 The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian
 Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by
 temporally and spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.
 POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's
 pineal gland, and has only one scruple-- which Mal-2 keeps on his key
 POEE has not registered,incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the
 State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations,
 which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.
         There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
         The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
         An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.
         The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
         And POEE =POPE=.
 POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as
 Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The
 POLYFATHER ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.
 " This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out."
                       Application For Membership
            In the Erisian movement of the DISCORDIA SOCIETY
 1. Today's date                         Yesterday's Date
 2. Purpose of this application: --membership in : a. Legion of Dynamic
    b. POEE  c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above  e. None of the
    f. Other-- BE SPECIFIC!
 3. Name_________________________                Holy Name_____________ 
          (If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be
 4. Description: Born: []Yes []No   Eyes:[]2 []other     Height:
    ..... fl. oz.   Last time you had a haircut:         Reason:
    Race: []horse []human      I.Q.: 150-200  200-250  250-300  over 300
 5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
    Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from
 which    you have been fired. Medical: On a separate sheet labeled
 "confidential" list all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced
 within the last 24   hours   
 6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits 
    I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat
    caterpillars.  I wear obscene tattoos because ..........
    I have ceased raping little children []yes []no -- reason .......... 
 7. Self Portrait
 Rev. Mungo
 For Office Use Only -- acc. rej. burned
                                                 LICK HERE!!!
                                                 (You may be one
                                                  of the lucky 25)
 POEE & It's Priests
 If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you
 may wish to form your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do
 a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you
 think it is.
 The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather
 expect good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is point, not to
 teach. Once in a while, he even listens.
 Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become
 substantially different that the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps the
 Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider
 creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not
 competing with each other, and they are all POEE priests anyway (as soon
 as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing separate
 paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section "Discordian Society"
 There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you
 want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could
 possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?
 An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an
 Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."
         Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise
         And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise!
         Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know
         What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
           (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1)
                       World Council of Churches Boutique
 Note to POEE Priests:
 The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not
 as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool
 when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via
 the market place.
 The Hidden stone ripens fast,
 then laid bare like a turnip
 can easily be cut out at last
 but even then the danger isn't past.
 That man lives best who's fain
 to live half mad, half sane.
         -Flemish Poet Jan Van 
          Stijevoort, 1524.
                            The Erisian Affirmation
 BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare
 the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
 find the goddess Eris                           To Diverse Gods 
 Within your Pineal Gland                        Do Mortals bow;
       POEE                                      Holy Cow, and
                                                 Wholly Chao
                                                 -Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
                                                  Monroe Cabal
 "common sense is what tells you that the world is flat."
 This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. A different age
 from ours called him Hermes. Many people called him by many names. He is
 a Roach.
                           Legion of Dynamic Discord
        RECOGNIZE that the -- DISCORDIAN SOCIETY -- doth hereby certify
                                As a Legionnaire
                                                 Glory to We Children of
                                                   Presented under the
                                                   of our Lady of
 Discord, ERIS
                                                   by the House of the
                                                   of ERIS.
                           HOW TO START A POEE CABAL
 If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want
 anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE
 CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide.
 Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC
 DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except that you
 don't have an Ordination Certificate.  The words you are now reading are
 your ordination.
 1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
 2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
 3. Send one to the President of the United States.
 4. Send one to
         The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
         1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814
 5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other.
 Then consult your pineal gland.
 General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commander
                             ~~ OLD POEE SLOGAN ~~
                            When in Doubt, Fuck it.
                       When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!
 Trip 5!
                          = The POEE Baptismal Rite =
  This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by
 many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.
 1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the
 Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on
 the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The
 Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human
 being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.
 2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest,
 assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is
 repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we
 3) The Priest begins:
    I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designa-
 tions, offices, &tc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood
 of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest
 of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE
 Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:
 Initiate answers YES.
 answers YES.
 MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
 (The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN
 The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name),
 4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of
 wine and offers it to all who are present.
 5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
 Mord says that Omar says that we are all unicorns anyway.
                                             DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP
 3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that
 were both sweet and bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing
 the cards designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the
 Collector was to him as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only:
 'Gainst the rules, y' know.
         HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap 2
                                                 1. Harry Houdini
                                                 2. Swing Music
                                                 3. Pretzels
                                                 4. 8 months
                                                 5. Testy Culbert
                                                 6. It protrudes.
                                                 7. No vocal cords
                             THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH        G3400
 The Initiate swears the following:                         DMTS
         FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!
 (Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to
 substitute the German:
 or perhaps
 which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
 Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback
 for the New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not
 Randy, but mud. All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.
                                           "This statement is false"
                                                    (courtesy of POEE)
                          NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!
                             THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
 The Discordian Society has no definition.
 I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been
 called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of
 Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers
 "The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are." Lady
 Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC,
 won't say. You can think of it any way you like.
 is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect
 as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say
 that they like what he says.
 A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his
 own sect. 
 If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you
 wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't.
 There are no rules anywhere.            Some Episkoposes
 The Goddess Prevails.                   have a one-man cabal.
                                         Some work together.
                                         Some never do explain.
 When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
 of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
 for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
 you again! Helter Skelter!
                         -John Lennon
 "Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME" -Rev Lady Mal
 The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The
 Sacred Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names.
 It says little,
 does less,
 * Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. We
 thought of it first.
                             - The Numeral V sign -
 Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent
 Hippies everywhere.
    1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung
    2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo
    3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti
    4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathud
    5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse
 Days of the Week*                 * The DAYS OF THE WEEK
    1) Sweetmorn                   are named from the five Basic
    2) Boomtime                 SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE
    3) Pungenday
    4) Prickle-Prickle
    5) Setting Orange
 A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS                             B) SEASON HOLYDAYS
    1) Mungday                                      1) Chaoflux
    2) Mojoday                                      2) Discoflux
    3) Syaday                                       3) Confuflux
    4) Zaraday                                      4) Bureflux
    5) Maladay                                      5) Afflux
 Each occurs on the 5th                          Each occurs on the 50th
 day of the Season                               day of each Season
 C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted
 between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos
                     SM BT PD PP SO                          SM BT PD PP SO
                     -- -- -- -- --                          -- -- -- -- --
 Jan  1  2  3  4  5   1  2  3  4  5 Chs  Jul  5  6  7  8  9  40 41 42 43 44
      6  7  8  9 10   6  7  8  9 10          10 11 12 13 14  45 46 47 48 49  
     11 12 13 14 15  11 12 13 14 15          15 16 17 18 19  50 51 52 53 54  
     16 17 18 19 20  16 17 18 19 20          20 21 22 23 24  55 56 57 58 59  
     21 22 23 24 25  21 22 23 24 25          25 26 27 28 29  60 61 62 63 64  
     26 27 28 29 30  26 27 28 29 30          30 31  1  2  3  65 66 67 68 69  
     31  1  2  3  4  31 32 33 34 35      Aug  4  5  6  7  8  70 71 72 73  1
 Feb  5  6  7  8  9  36 37 38 39 40           9 10 11 12 13   2  3  4  5  6  
     10 11 12 13 14  41 42 43 44 45          14 15 16 17 18   7  8  9 10 11  
     15 16 17 18 19  46 47 48 49 50          19 20 21 22 23  12 13 14 15 16  
     20 21 22 23 24  51 52 53 54 55          24 25 26 27 28  17 18 19 20 21  
     25 26 27 28* 1  56 57 58 59 60          29 30 31  1  2  22 23 24 25 26  
 Mar  2  3  4  5  6  61 62 63 64 65      Sep  3  4  5  6  7  27 28 29 30 31  
      7  8  9 10 11  66 67 68 69 70           8  9 10 11 12  32 33 34 35 36  
     12 13 14 15 16  71 72 73  1  2 Dsc      13 14 15 16 17  37 38 39 40 41  
     17 18 19 20 21   3  4  5  6  7          18 19 20 21 22  42 43 44 45 46  
     22 23 24 25 26   8  9 10 11 12          23 24 25 26 27  47 48 49 50 51  
     27 28 29 30 31  13 14 15 16 17          28 29 30  1  2  52 53 54 55 56  
 Apr  1  2  3  4  5  18 19 20 21 22      Oct  3  4  5  6  7  57 58 59 60 61  
      6  7  8  9 10  23 24 25 26 27           8  9 10 11 12  62 63 64 65 66  
     11 12 13 14 15  28 29 30 31 32          13 14 15 16 17  67 68 69 70 71  
     16 17 18 19 20  33 34 35 36 37          18 19 20 21 22  72 73  1  2  3
     21 22 23 24 25  38 39 40 41 42          23 24 25 26 27   4  5  6  7  8  
     26 27 28 29 30  43 44 45 46 47          28 29 30 31  1   9 10 11 12 13  
 May  1  2  3  4  5  48 49 50 51 52      Nov  2  3  4  5  6  14 15 16 17 18  
      6  7  8  9 10  53 54 55 56 57           7  8  9 10 11  19 20 21 22 23  
     11 12 13 14 15  58 59 60 61 62          12 13 14 15 16  24 25 26 27 28  
     16 17 18 19 20  63 64 65 66 67          17 18 19 20 21  29 30 31 32 33  
     21 22 23 24 25  68 69 70 71 72          22 23 24 25 26  34 35 36 37 38  
     26 27 28 29 30  73  1  2  3  4 Cfn      27 28 29 30  1  39 40 41 42 43  
     31  1  2  3  4   5  6  7  8  9      Dec  2  3  4  5  6  44 45 46 47 48  
 Jun  5  6  7  8  9  10 11 12 13 14           7  8  9 10 11  49 50 51 52 53  
     10 11 12 13 14  15 16 17 18 19          12 13 14 15 16  54 55 56 57 58  
     15 16 17 18 19  20 21 22 23 24          17 18 19 20 21  59 60 61 62 63  
     20 21 22 23 24  25 26 27 28 29          22 23 24 25 26  64 65 66 67 68  
     25 26 27 28 29  30 31 32 33 34          27 28 29 30 31  69 70 71 72 73  
     30  1  2  3  4  35 36 37 38 39     [1991 = 3157][Next St. Tibs Day in
                               HOLY NAMES
 Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not
 unique to Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son
 of Mr. and Mrs. VI?
 Will whoever stole Brother Reverend Magoun's pornography please return
                        THE BEARER OF THIS CARD
                      IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED
                                ~ POPE ~
                       So please Treat Him Right
                              GOOD FOREVER
        Genuine and authorized by The House of Apostles of ERIS
 Every man, woman and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized
 Pope Reproduce and distribute these cards freely- POEE Head Temple, San
 A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities.
 For Your Enlightenment
                          THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
                        Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.
                           POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal
         When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there
 into the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in
 his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left
 standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about
 its making and had let it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and
 murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it
 with water. And again in his weakness, chose without further considera-
 tion and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations. It was
 then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden
 loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that involves you
 so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, and the
 pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the
 muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to
 exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied
 the voice. 
         And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the
 task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.
                                 "The Five Laws have root in awareness."
                                         --Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto
 The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that
 believe in it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them
 that believe in it on the supposition that they'll go there if they
      HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
         One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach
 the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly
 afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice
 said YES?
         "O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of
 Discord!  Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to
 lift a heavy burden from my heart!"
         "I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of
 pain.  Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant
 with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people,
 mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."
         "But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."
         OH. WELL, THEN STOP.
         At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial
 and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.
                             CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS
                   =THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =
 A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the
 Heathen Chinee. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the
 Season of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.
 A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of
 Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will
 Save Your Bod Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the
 Intergalactic Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of The Season
 of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19.
 [NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention
 that Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True
 Second Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon
 Patamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE
 sect know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations
 of his are actually an attempt to subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic
 authority by shaking him out of his wits.
 commonly called just SRI SYADASTI
 His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some
 sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in
 some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in
 some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.
 He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of
 Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to
 psychedelic type Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion.
 Holyday: May 31. NOTE: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED
 ST. GULIK THE STONED, who is not the same person but is the same 
 A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. Dubbed
 "Offender of The Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the
 Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12
 A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle
 earth), who followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome,
 Damascus, Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that
 seemed to read "DOOM". (This is a misunderstanding. The sign actually
 read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.) Patron and namesake of Mal-2.
 Patron on The Season of The Aftermath. Holyday: Oct 24.
 All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless
 in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in
 some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and
 meaningless in some sense. A public service clarification by the Sri
 Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette. 
 The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of
 Spiritual Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaning-
 less in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless
 in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false
 and meaningless in some sense.
 Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.
 Hey Man...Great! I feel goofy, the way my old man looks when he's drunk.
                           THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
                    being a BIBLE of The Erisian Movement
                          and How it was Revealed to
           Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose
         of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of
         the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus,
                   Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch
                     From the Honest Book of Truth
                  THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1
 1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger
 of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an
 Honest Book.
 2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the
 Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and,
 spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and ,lying
 in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings -- an
 Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
 3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East of
 Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and
 five nights, but found no book.
 4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass
 that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and bedded
 himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had
 uncovered on the first day of his labors.
 5. Omar slept.
 6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, and
 there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the
 Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein
 was hidden a Golden Chest.
 7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the
 Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and,
 sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in
 the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
 Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
 8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this shit,man?
 What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration
 of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods
 when the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid better
 9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground
 by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five nights.
 10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreampt, and in his
 Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a
 Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box
 containing many filing cards, some of them in packs with rubber bands
 around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon
 others nothing was written.
 11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord: Take ye this Honest Book of
 Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and
 Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from
 it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent.
                           CONVENTIONAL CHAOS
 In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of
 Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as
 he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted
 the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he
 said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was
 a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.
 It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that
 particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the
 disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway,
 Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more
 seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy
 other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
 The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been
 suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes
 frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip.
 Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
                                           Bullshit makes the flowers
                                                 grow & that's beautiful.
 Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
 And follow the Way it carries you,
 Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
 Over the Waves in whatever you do.
         (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3)
 [graphic deleted... if you wanna see it, READ THE BOOK]
 Meanwhile, at the Chinese laundromat...
                 DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*
                           THE BOOK OF UTERUS
                     from the Honest Book of Truth
                         revealed to Lord Omar
 1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion
 by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.
 2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to
 overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be.
 3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of
 Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge.
 4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge swiftly
 underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.
 5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle Manifes-
 tation of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back
 to Oblivion - that it might not become lost among Precepts of Order in
 the Region of Thud.
 6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State of
 Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady
 of Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.
 7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence called
 Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was
 hence called Discordia.
 8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy
 perished in a paper shortage.
 9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.
 10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was
 the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations,
 and reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in Acceptance and
 Preparation for the Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of
 the Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath
 waseth a Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!
 11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat
 Itself Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing would
 * This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III - HISTORY #6,
 "HISTORIC CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five
 cycles, the first three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS, ANTITHESIS
 and PARENTHESIS; and the last two ("the Bicycle") of which are CONSTER-
 ** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen
 then the exact opposite will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner
 from that in which it did not happen.
 Dull but Sincere Filler
 "And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated: Imposition of Order =
 escalation of Disorder!"
  [H.B.T. ; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]
 Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding
 The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his
 early disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which
 over emphasizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to the
 necessary compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are composed
 of persons all hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they
 are blinded by the Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that they belong
 to Orders of Discordia.  But we know.
 1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE. This is
 for all the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.
 2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is reserved
 for lawmakers, censors, and like ilk.
 3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly inhabit
 schools and universities, and dominate many of them.
 This is mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military,
 political, academic and sacred Orders.
 5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known about
 the D.L., but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by
 Greyface himself.  It is known that they now have absolute domination
 over all organized churches in the world. It is also believed that they
 have been costuming cabbages and passing them off as human beings.
 A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a
 flag of the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment--
 just as long as it is a flag.
 Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton.
 HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4
 Go To Your Left-Right....
         The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy.
 Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics. Entropy
 comes from physics. It is the assertion-- established logically and
 experimentally-- that the universe, by its nature, is "running down",
 moving toward a state of inert uniformity devoid of form, matter,
 hierarchy or differentiation.
         That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos,
 is overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.
         The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is
 expressed in the second law of thermodynamics-- perhaps the most
 pessimistic and amoral formulation in all human thought.
         It applies however, to a closed system, to something that is an
 isolated whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be parts,
 which draw their energy from the whole, that are moving at least
 temporarily, in the opposite direction; in them order is increasing and
 chaos is diminishing.
         The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main
 current are called "enclaves". And one of them is life, especially human
 life, which in a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves towards
 increased order.
         -Rev. Thomas, Gnostic
          N.Y.C. Cabal
 PLANETARY Pi, which I discovered, is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationship
 existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many
 facts unknown to science. For example, multiply nude earth's circum-
 ference 24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon's orbit
 around the earth.  This is slightly less than the actual distance
 because we have not yet considered earth's atmosphere. So be it. 
 Christopher Garth, Evanston
 "I should have been a plumber."
         --Albert Einstein
 "Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"
                 -Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sect
                          = ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =
         Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took
 great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his fol-
         One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
 there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
         "Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his commanding
 voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in
 Life, anyway?"
         Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".*
         Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily
 because nobody could understand Chinese.
 * "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING
 TAO FA TSU-DAN                                      FIND PEACE WITH A 
                                                     CONTENTED CHAO
                            THE SACRED CHAO
 THE SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung
 Mung in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists
 and is sometimes called the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the
 Yin-Yang of the Taoists. It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And,
 instead of a Podge spot on the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which
 symbolizes the ANERISTIC PRINCIPLE, and instead of a Hodge spot on the
 Podge side, it depicts the GOLDEN APPLE OF DISCORDIA to symbolize the
 The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need ever know
 about absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes everything not
 worth knowing, depicted by the empty space surrounding the Hodge-Podge.
 If you are not hot for philosophy, best just to skip it.
         The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic
 Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man
 made concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a
 level deeper that is the level of distinction making.
         With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at
 reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The
 ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened
 people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially
 other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-
 -reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper
 that is the level of concept.
         We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn
 grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture
 is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view
 chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand
 it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.
         Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting
 one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a
 perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say
 unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we
 Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than
 others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others,
 etc., but none can be more True than any other.
         DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some
 particular grid. But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male,
 like female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of
 female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysical-
 ly arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC
         The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow
 wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the
         The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition
 relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T)
 Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a
 grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears
 disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear dif-
 ferently ordered and disordered. 
  Reality is the original Rorschach.
 Verily! So much for all that.
 The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise
 Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.
 (HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1)
 The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of
 Discordia, which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The
 writing on it, "KALLISTI" is Greek for "TO THE PRETTIEST ONE" and refers
 to an old myth about The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited
 understanding of Disorder, and thought it to be a negative principle.
 The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes
 the HODGE. The Pentagon has several references; for one,, it can be
 taken to represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order
 to reach elaborate development;* for another, it specifically accords
                                 -Patamunzo Lingananda
 It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the
 Pentagon Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket order
 resting on a firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting into
 dazzling disorder; and this building is one of our more cherished
 Erisian Shrines. Also it so happens that in times of medieval magic, the
 pentagon was the generic symbol for werewolves, but this reference is
 not particularly intended and it should be noted that the Erisian
 Movement does not discriminate against werewolves-- our membership
 roster is open to persons of all races, national origins and
 * The Greek geometrician PYTHAGORAS, however, was not a typical
 aneristic personality. He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and an
 AVATAR. We call him Archangle Pythagoras.
 [diagram of HODGE/PODGE TRANSFORMER deleted... DtC]
 5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head,
 saying "I do not know! I do not know!"
         HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
                                BRUNSWICK SHRINE
 In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and
 within this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125 (1959*),
 Eris revealed Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first time.
 In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a
 Shrine by all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps
 plans a Pilgrimage to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and
 therein to partake of No Hot Dog Buns, and ruminate a bit about It All.
 It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the fifth
 time five times over, than shall the world come to an end:
                                 IMPENDING DOOM
                                   HAS ARRIVED
         And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder
         Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign
         for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of
         Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal 
         This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious
         MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud
         for These Five Days.
 As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to
 us in particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning
 such a Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get
 around to actually going.
 * Or maybe it was 1958, I forget.
  STARBUCK'S PEBBLES                                     Which
                         *               *
                              *      *
 Do these 5 pebbles [note: they were pebbles,originally..try doing
 ASCII pebbles -DtC] REALLY form a pentagon?
 Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes.
 Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no. Criss-cross them and
 it is a star.
 An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that
 any one is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars, and
 pentagons, and disorder are all his creations and he may do with them as
 he wishes. Indeed, even so the concept of number 5.
 The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your
 mind and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and YOU
 Convictions cause convicts.
                                      Can you chart the COURSE
                                      to Captain Valentine's SWEETHEART?
 Hemlock? I never touch the stuff!
                                 When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquired
                                 a split beaver magazine. You can imagine
                                 my disappointment when,upon examination
                                 of the photos with a microscope, I found
                                 that all I could see was dots.
 7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.
 ------------------------------------Pun-jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh!--------
 A Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganization
                          MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
                 Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
                                  HIGH PRIEST
 THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT                                  HOUSE OF APOSTLES 
 (X) Official Business           ( )Surreptitious Business     page 1 of
 1 pages
 Official Discordian Document Number (if applicable): n/a
 ( ) the Golden Apple Corps  (X)House of Disciples of Discordia
                                 The Bureaucracy, Bureau of:  DOGMAS
 ( ) Council of Episkoposes: Office of High Priesthood, Sect of the POEE 
 ( ) Drawer o
 Today's DATE: day of the Carrot                 yesterday's DATE: Yes  
 Originating Cabal: Joshua Norton Cabal - San Francisco
 TO: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustation
 Brother Ram,
 Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your
 inference to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have
 brought me to some observations of my own,
 ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is
 REIS, which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no longer
 in use.  >From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped Eros (god
 of erotic love) in the eyes of those who read backwards; which obviously
 made Eros sorE. Then She apparently embezzeled the Olympian Treasury and
 went to Brazil; whereupon She opened a chain of whorehouses (which
 certainly would get a rise from the male population). I figure it to be
 this in particular because MADAM reads the same forwards and backwards.
 And further, it is a term of great respect, similar to SIRE.
 And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the
 mystery of just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125.
                                 FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
                                 -><-    Mal-2
 Not for Circulation!
           KALLISTI        HAIL ERIS             ALL HAIL DISCORDIA
 safeguard this letter, it may be an important document 
                                 Form No.: O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134
                      DOGMA III - HISTORY #2, "COSMOGONY"
 which is not the same as DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY" (Book of
         In the beginning there was VOID, who had two daughters; one (the
 smaller) was that of BEING, named ERIS, and one (the larger) was of
 NON-BEING, named ANERIS. (To this day, the fundamental truth that Aneris
 is the larger is apparent to all who compare the great number of things
 that do not exist with the comparatively small number of things that do
         Eris had been born pregnant, and after 55 years (Goddesses have
 an unusually long gestation period-- longer even than elephants), Her
 pregnancy bore the fruits of many things. These things were composed of
 the Five Basic Elements, SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE.
 Aneris, however, had been created sterile. When she saw Eris enjoying
 Herself so greatly with all of the existent things She had borne, Aneris
 became jealous and finally one day she stole some existent things and
 changed them into non-existent things and claimed them as her own
 children. This deeply hurt Eris, who felt that Her sister was unjust
 (being so much larger anyway) to deny Her her small joy. And so She made
 herself swell again to bear more things. And She swore that no matter
 how many of her begotten that Aneris would steal, She would beget more.
 And, in return, Aneris swore that no matter how many existent things
 Eris brought forth, she would eventually find them and turn them into
 non-existent things for her own. (And to this day, things appear and
 disappear in this very manner.) 
         At first, the things brought forth by Eris were in a state of
 chaos and went in every which way, but by the by She began playing with
 them andordered some of them just to see what would happen. Some pretty
 things arosefrom this play and for the next five zillion years She
 amused Herself bycreating order. And so She grouped some things with
 others and some groups with others, and big groups with little groups,
 and all combinations until She had many grand schemes which delighted
         Engrossed in establishing order, She finally one day noticed
 disorder (previously not apparent because everything was chaos). There
 were many ways in which chaos was ordered and many ways in which it was
         "Hah," She thought, "Here shall be a new game."
         And She taught order and disorder to play with each other in
 contest games, and to take turns amusing each other. She named the side
 of disorder after Herself, "ERISTIC" because Being is anarchic. And
 then, in a mood of sympathy for Her lonely sister, She named the other
 side "ANERISTIC" which flattered Aneris and smoothed the friction a
 little that was between them. 
         Now all of this time, Void was somewhat disturbed. He felt
 unsatisfied for he had created only physical existence and physical
 non-existence, and had neglected the spiritual. As he contemplated this,
 a great Quiet was caused and he went into a state of Deep Sleep which
 lasted for 5 eras. At the end of this ordeal, he begat a brother to Eris
 and Aneris, that of SPIRITUALITY, who had no name at all.
         When the sisters heard this, they both confronted Void and
 pleaded that he not forget them, his First Born. And so Void decreed
         That this brother, having no form, was to reside with Aneris in
 Non-Being and then to leave her and, so that he might play with order
 and disorder, reside with Eris in Being. But Eris became filled with
 sorrow when She heard this and then began to weep.
         "Why are you despondent?" demanded Void, "Your new brother will
 have his share with you." "But Father, Aneris and I have been arguing,
 and she will take him from me when she discovers him, and cause him to
 return to Non-Being." "I see,"replied Void, "Then I decree the follow-
         "When your brother leaves the residence of Being, he shall not
 reside again in Non-Being, but shall return to Me, Void, from whence he
 came. You girls may bicker as you wish, but My son is your Brother and
 We are all of Myself." 
 And so it is that we, as men, do not exist until we do; and then it is
 that we play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder
 them, and so it shall be that non-existence shall take us back from
 existence and that nameless spirituality shall return to Void, like a
 tired child home from a very wild circus.
         "Everything is true - Everything is permissible!"           
                                                 -Hassan i Sabbah
 There is serenity in Chaos.
 Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.
                        Written, in some sense, by Mal-2
 Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one is
 much enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with
 all participants chanting the English. it also behooves one to be in a
 quiet frame of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The
 Buttercup Position. It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his
 O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung.
 O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Mo-jo.
 O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zara-thud.
 O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal.
 O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gu-lik.
 O! Hail Eris. All Hail Dis-cord-ia.
 It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles,
 which ever comes first.
 The Classification of Saints
 To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example:
 St.Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of
 Mexico (his grave near San Francisco is an official POEE shrine.)
 Good Saint material and definitely inspiring.
 Example: St. Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller)
 Excellent Goddess-Saturated Saint.
 Example: St. Quixote (Don Quixote, Cervantes)
 Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional or
 factual). Example: St. Bokonon (Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut)
 The Five Apostles of Eris.
 Note: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other
 about Saints.
 Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Herman Hesse. Only a
 hand full understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor
                         -Slogan of NORTON CABAL - S.F.
 Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and the Quabala influences, have
 sought higher consciousness through assimilation and control of
 universal opposites-- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc.
 But due to the steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the
 ancient methods of the shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is
 perhaps the two most important pairs of apparent or earth-plane
 Magicians, and progeny the scientists, have always taken themselves and
 their subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby disregarding an
 essential metaphysical balance. when magicians learn to approach
 philosophy as a malleable art instead of an immutable Truth, and learn
 to appreciate the absurdity of man's endeavours, then they will be able
 to pursue their art with a lighter heart, and perhaps gain a clearer
 understanding of it, and therefore gain more effective magic. CHAOS IS
 This is an essential challenge to the basic concepts of all western
 occult thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first break-
 through in occultism since Solomon.
 "Study Demonology with an Enemy This Sunday"
                         sez Thom,Gnos
 1) Om your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at
 precisely midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation,
 count all visible stars.
 2) When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do
 The Eminent 16th Century Mathemetician Cardan so detested Luther that he
 altered Luther's birthdate to give him an unfavorable horoscope.
 The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats
 at random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names,
 it is always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are
 opposite their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of
 persons, and let their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in
 such a way that the place cards are numbered in sequence around the
 table. If a delegate D originally sits down to a place card P, then the
 table must be rotated R steps before he is correctly seated, where
 R=P-D, unless this is negative, in which case R=P-D+N. The collection of
 values of D (and of P) for all delegates is clearly the integers 0 to
 N-1,each taken once, but so also is the collection of values of R, or
 else two delegates would be correctly seated at the same time.  Summing
 the above equations, one for each delegate, gives S-S+NK, where K is an
 integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers from 0 to N-1. It
 follows that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the original
         "I actually solved this problem some years ago," Rybicki writes,
 "for a different but completely equivalent problem, a generalization of
 the nonattacking 'eight queens' problem for a cylindrical chessboard
 where diagonal attack is restricted to diagonals slanting in one
 direction only.
                         THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE
                           INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM
         To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to
 accept a trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to
 choose the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip
 composed of both order and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only
 accept creative disorder along with, and equal to, creative order, and
 also willing to reject destructive order as an undesirable equal to
 destructive disorder.
         The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into
 order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead of
 building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential
 positive/negative. He has thereby caused man to endure the destructive
 aspects of order and has prevented man from effectively participating in
 the creative uses of disorder. Civilization reflects this unfortunate
         POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we
 work toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order,
 is possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive
 disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.
         Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of
 all ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!
 Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the
 evil Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians
 everywhere for their just protection.
 The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface
 and his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function
 and that a timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize
 their foundation.  The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract
 negative aneristic vibes and if introduced into a neutral or positive
 aneristic setting (like a poet working out word rhythms) it will prove
 harmless, or at worst, simply annoying. It is not designed for use
 against negative eristic vibes, although it can be used as an eristic
 vehicle to introduce positive vibes into a misguided eristic setting. In
 this instance, it would be the responsibility of the Erisian Magician to
 manufacture the positive vibrations if results are to be achieved.
 CAUTION- all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrity on the
 part of the magician. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive
 motivation is essential for self-protection.
 Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fis-
 ticuffs.  Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or
 towards the direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish
 to neutralize.  Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make
 motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy
 giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly:
 The results will be instantly apparent.
                 A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar
         The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
 ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument
 by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you
 know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should
 answer "Yes." then he probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget
 it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:
         THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is
 ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear
 him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he
 does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
         THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without
 Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
         THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know
 what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him
 that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and
 distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean
 thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from
 your eye, go to:
         THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord
 and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think
 did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal
 forces." then quickly respond with:
 absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that
 Her name is ERIS.  If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate,
 then finally resort to:
         THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated
 people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an
 Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really
 more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned
 into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of
 Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.
 SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.
 PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing...
 in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in.
 RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud
 were used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water
 or a hole to drop things in. But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even
 oceans can be used. 
 TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up and in the air
 DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find
 more objects to sink, once; one object is sunk.
 UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as
 NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object is named by the
 finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk
 Columbus, Ohio!"
         "In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps."
         - Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director of the
           Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.
 A Joint Effort of the Discordian Society
                                         Export License Not Required
 In the meantime - plant your seeds.
 If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot
 of people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.
 Plant your seeds.
 In parks. On lots. Public flower beds. In remote places. At City Hall.
 Wherever. Whenever. Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on
 it first for that). For casual planting, its best to soak them in water
 for a day and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep.
 Don't worry much about the weather, they know when the weather is wrong
 and will try to wait for nature. Don't soak them if its wintertime.
 Seeds are a very hearty life form and strongly desire to grow and
 flourish. But some of them need people's help to get started. Plant your
 Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to
 friends of yours. Try to mail to different cities and states, even
 different countries.  If you would rather not, then please pass this
 copy on to someone and perhaps they would like to.
 THERE IS NO TRUTH to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter
 then all sorts of catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters
 will happen. Except, of course, from your seed's point of view.
 Q. "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?" A. Nobody has
 ever explained that.
 Mary Jane says "Plant Your Seeds. Keep Prices Down."
 "And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which
 is upon the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat."
                                 -Genesis 1:29
 Have a friendly class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of the
 unit on "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed.
 Name some causes of disturbance in your school.
 --Lord Omar
 1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear--and, behold, do ye now
 complain that ye lack FREEDOM!
 2. Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye,
 lamenting, that ye've been left to fight alone.
 3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the
 entire Pentaverse, but today ye was sore afraid in dark corners, nooks,
 and sink holes.
 4. O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye
 hearts! What fear ye more that what ye have wroughten?
 5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the
 Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine
 the land with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.
 DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistant rumor has it that it
 was Mr. Momomoto's brother who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of
                              BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
          Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
          Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)
                               invite YOU to join
               The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy
 Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY       IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-
 The GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides          cealed in the apparently innocent
 (counting the bottom)?                    legend of Snow White and The Seven
 WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER             WHY do scholarly anthropologists
 REALITY lying behind the ANCIENT             TURN PALE with terror at the 
 Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL?                 very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN
                                              name YOG-SOTHOTH?
 WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH                     WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN 
 that some SWEAR is LEE                       TO AMBROSE BIERCE?
 If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3,125.00 (plus handling), you might
 be eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B.  If you think you qualify,
 put the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard. One of our
 Underground Agents will contact you shortly.
                                  I DARE YOU!
 May we warn you against imitations! Ours is the original and genuine
 "Nothing is true. Everything is Permissible"
    - Hassan i Sabbah
       "Illuminate the Opposition!"
          -- Adam Weishaupt,
         Grand Primus Illuminatus
 Bavarian Illuminati
 "Ewige Blumenkraft!"
                                                     INTER-OFFICE WIRE SENT
 Mad Malik, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton Cabal
 Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith
 from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos Dr. Mordecai
 Malignatius, KNS.
 A B C D E F G H I J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
 STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end
 STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)
 STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)
 STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)
 STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)
 This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.
 Here is  a letter from A.I.S.B. to POEE:
               The World's Oldest And Most Successful Conspiracy
                              BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
          Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
          Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)
                         ( )Official Business  (X) Surreptitious Business
 From: MAD MALIK Hauptscheissmeister
         Dear Brother Mal-2,
         In response to your request for unclassified agitprop to be inserted
 in the new edition of PRINCIPIA, hope the following will be of use. And
 stop bothering us with your incessant letters!
         Episkopos Mordecai, Keeper of the Notary Sojac, informs me that you
 are welcome to reveal that our oldest extant records show us to have been
 fully established in Atlantis, circa 18,000 B.C., under Kull, the galley
 slave who ascended to the Throne of Valusia. Revived by Pelias of Koth, circa
 10,000 B.C. Possibly it was he who taught the inner-teachings to Conan of
 Cimmeria after Conan became King of Aquilonia. First brought to the western
 hemisphere by Conan and taught to Mayan priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl).
 That was 4 Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayan date. Revived by Abdul Alhazred in his
 infamous Al Azif, circa 800 A.D. (Al Azif translated into Latin by Olaus 
 Wormius, 1132 A.D., as The Necronomicon.) In 1090 A.D. was the founding of
 The Ismaelian Sect (Hashishim) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings
 based on Alhazred, Pelias and Kull. Founding of the Illuminated Ones of
 Bavaria, by Adam Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776. He based it on the others.
 Weishaupt brought it to the United States during the period that he was
 impersonating George Washington; and it was he who was the Man in Black who
 gave the design for The Great Seal to Jefferson in the garden that night. The
 Illuminated tradition is now, of course, in the hands of The Ancient
 Illuminated Seers of Bavaria (A.I.S.B.), headquartered here in the United
         Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication.
 No harm, though, in admitting that some of them can be found disguised in
 Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, Burroughs Nova Express, the King James translation
 of the Holy Bible (though not the Latin or Hebrew), and The Blue Book. Not to
 speak of Ben Franklin's private papers (!), but we are still suppressing
         Considering current developments--you know the ones I speak of--it
 has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations. Your
 publication is timely, so mention that in addition to the old fronts like the
 Masons, the Rothchild Banks, and the Federal Reserve System, we now have
 significant control of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (since Hoover died
 last year, but that is still secret), the Students for a Democratic Society,
 the Communist Party USA, the American Anarchist Assn., the Junior Chamber of
 Commerce, the Black Lotus Society, the Republican Party, the John Dillinger
 Die For You Society, and the Camp Fire Girls. It is still useful to continue
 the sham of the Birchers that we are seeking world domination; so do not
 reveal that political and economic control was generally complete several
 generations ago and that we are just playing with the world for a while until
 civilization advances sufficiently for phase five.
         In fact you might still push Vennard's The Federal Reserve Hoax:
 "Since the Babylonian Captivity there has existed a determined,
 behind-the-scenes under-the-table, atheistic, satanic, anti-Christian
 force--worshipers of Mamon--whose undying purpose is world control through
 the control of Money. July 1, 1776 (correct that to May 1st, Vennard can't
 get anything right) the Serpent raised its head in the under-ground secret
 society known as the Illuminati, founded by Adam Weishaupt. There is con-
 siderable documentary evidence to prove all revolutions, wars, depressions,
 strikes and chaos stem from this source." Etc., etc., you know the stuff.
         The general location of our US HQ, incidentally, has been nearly
 exposed; and so we will be moving for the first time this century (what a
 drag!). If you want, you can reveal that it is located deep in the labyrinth
 of sewers beneath Dealy Plaza in Dallas, and is presided over by The Dealy
 Lama. Inclosed are some plans for several new potential locations. Please
 review and add any comments you feel pertinent, especially regarding the
 Eristic propensity of the Pentagon site.
         Oh, and we have some good news for you, Brother Mal! You know that
 Zambian cybernetics genius who joined us? Well, he has secretly co-ordinated
 the FBI computers with the Zurich System and our theoriticians are in ecstasy
 over the new information coming out. Look, if you people out there can keep
 from blowing yourselves up for only two more generations, then we will
 have it. After 20,000 years, Kull's dream will be realized! We can hardly
 believe it. But the outcome is certain, given the time. Our grandchildren,
 Mal! If civilization makes it through this crises, our grandchildren will
 live in a world of authentic freedom and authentic harmony and authentic
 satisfaction. I hope I'm alive to see it, Mal, success is in our grasp.
 Twenty thousand years....!
         Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it. Good luck on the Principia.
 Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS.
                                              MAD MALIK
 PS: PRIVATE - Not for publication in The Principia.
 We are returning to the two Zwack Cyphers for classified communications.
 [note: Graphic Cypher deleted  DtC]
 Part Five     The Golden Secret
 The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases
 taking itself so seriously.
 To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS SALVATION.
 Salvation from an ugly and barbarous existence that is the result of taking
 order so seriously and so seriously fearing contrary orders and disorder,
 that GAMES are taken as more important than LIFE; rather than taking LIFE AS
 To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, and
 play with The Goddess Eris. And know that it is a joyful play, and that
 If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to master
 sense, then each will expose the other for what it is: absurdity. From that
 moment of illumination, a man begins to be free regardless of his
 surroundings. He becomes free to play order games and change them at will. He
 becomes free to play disorder games just for the hell of it. He becomes free
 to play neither or both. And as the master of his own games, he plays without
 fear, and therefore without frustration, and therefore with good will in his
 soul and love in his being.
 And when men become free then mankind will be free.
 May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.
 May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.
 May you have the knowledge of a sage,
     and the wisdom of a child.
 Hail Eris.                                     
                                                       ___   ___ 
                                                       ___   ___
                                                       ___   ___
         This being the 4th Edition, March 1970, San Francisco; a revision of
 the 3rd Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa 1969; which revised
 the 2nd Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles 1969; which was a revision of
 "PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or HOW THE WEST WAS LOST" published in New Orleans in
 1965 in five copies, which were mostly lost.
 If you think the PRINCIPIA is just a ha-ha, then go read it again.
                (K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like
                 Published by POEE Head Temple - San Francisco
                       " On The Future Site of Beautiful
                              San Andreas Canyon"
 Office of My High Reverence
 Malaclypse the Younger KSC
 The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through
 many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland. It is guaranteed to be
 the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn't
 always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes are
 sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also
 the Word of Goddess. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than
 POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that
 you have read all the way down to the very last word.
 Dedicated to an Advanced
 Understanding  of the Paraphysical
 Manifestations of Everyday Chaos
 Well, probably you do have one, and it's unfortunate because lopsided Pineal
 Glands have perverted the Free Spirit of Man, and subverted Life into a
 frustrating, unhappy and hopeless mess.
 Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to
 your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.
 It will advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritual
 Illumination. And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a
 beautiful, joyful, and splendid one.
 POEE is a bridge from
 the Words of the Illuminated                    Rated X... NATURALLY
 Why are we Here ?                               SUPPRESSED KNOWLEDGE
 Have you ever secretly                          HYGIENE
 wondered why the Great                     The Lord promised: "Therefore,
 Pyramid has five sides? -                  behold, I will bring evil upon
 counting the bottom?                       the house of Jeroboam and will
                                            cut off from Jeroboam him that
 GRAND OPERA                                pisseth against the wall..."
 "Wherefore my bowels shall sound                    -I Kings 14:10 (This 
 like a harp for Moab, and mine                  unsanitary practice caused
 inner parts for Kirharesh."                     serious erosion of the mud 
    -Isaiah 16:11                                walls)
 Face to fact with the mighty forces and elements of nature, the thoughtful
 man fearlessly contemplates his place in the great cosmic scheme.
                                -><-  POEE  -><-
 YES, I'd like to know the Five Simple Actions that will turn Me into a
 "Mental Wizard" in a Single Weekend.
 Prolonged use in a darkened room may induce hallucinations or trigger
 undesired side effects. Should not be used in the presence of persons subject
 to epilepsy.
                          -THE GODDESS ERIS PREVAILS-
                               SPECIAL AFTERWORD
                to the Loompanics Edition of PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
                         G.H. Hill, San Francisco, 1979
                  All Rites Reversed (K) Reprint What You Like
                          INTERVIEW WITH NORTON CABAL
                    by Gypsie Skripto, Special Correspondent
         It has been ten years since I net the mysterious Malaclypse the
 Younger. I was free lancing for the underground papers and went to POEE Hear
 Temple at 555 Battery Street to try for an interview.
         I found him in the Temple PO Box busy wrapping up the new Fourth
 Edition of PRINCIPIA. He seemed impatient with me, insisting that he didn't
 have the time or inclination for foolish questions from reporters. Undaunted,
 I burst out with questions like whether he preferred Panama Red or Acapulco
 Gold and how the fuck did we manage to fit inside of a tiny post office box
 and other things apropos a naive young semiliterate dropout hippy writer. He
 asked me if I wanted to drop mescaline and fuck all night and said he knew
 how to turn himself into a unicorn and there might be room for a tiny
 interview on the cover of the PRINCIPIA if I wanted to work for the GREATER
 POOP so I said sure, OK, I've never dropped mescaline in a post office box
         It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse. As subsequent
 issues of GREATER POOP revealed, he was to disappear and POEE business was to
 be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal. Professor Ignotum P. Ignotius,
 Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned the Trust of the POEE
 Scruple and Rev. Dr. Occupant became Keeper of the Box. The newly published
 copies of PRINCIPIA were distributed by Mad Malik, Block Disorganizer, who
 had distribution contacts with the Aluminum Bavariati. Practical relations
 remained in the hands of concept artist G. Hill.
  When the 1000 PRINCIPIAS were gone the GREATER POOP stopped
 publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to evaporate.
 Finally even the box was closed. But over the years I noticed that copies
 were still circulating, and that independent Discordian Cabal would oc-
 casionally pop out of nowhere (and still do ). And I would wonder what ever
 happened to Malaclypse.
  When I read the ILLUMINATUS trilogy I resolved to again find and
 interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian Society.
         * * *
  As I cabled over Nob to San Francisco's Station 'O' Post Office I
 couldn't help but wonder at Goddess' hand in assigning street addresses to
 Her outposts. Mal2 had told me that Good Lord Omar always filed everything
 under "O" for OUT OF FILE.
         "Maya is marvelous" I was thinking when I rapped on the little metal
 door and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as
 Professor Ignotius. He ushered me into a spacious wood paneled and tapestry
 hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing around a wine jug.
 The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor Occupant, the trim khaki and
 jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug claimed to be Hill. I got the recorder
 GYPSIE SKRIPTO [in response to a question]: ...1969 but only briefly. I guess
 I missed you guys.
 MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then. We were just
 his students and were usually off on errands. You worked for the POOP?
 Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway. The interview is in the PRINCIPIA.
 REV. DR. OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for the
 POOP or get on the letterhead.
 Gypsie: Did you [Malik] have higher authority than the others?
 Malik: No, [but I was allowed to speak in the POOP] because [Malaclypse the
 Younger] hated politics. He was infuriated with Johnson and nixon over Viet
 Nam because it was turning the renaissance into a political revolution and
 was stealing his sacred thunder. So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he
 learned from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal.
 Also I was liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, the Chicago
 Discordians.  Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong Tong and ELF, on
 zenarchist principles, and also Operation Mindfuck. I was also into those.
 Though at the time I was masquerading in GREATER POOP as a created cabbage to
 throw off the FBI.
 Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist?
 G.H. Hill: Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules-- hating the
 government and all that stuff.
 IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It's like hating your own fantasies.
 Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing up and proceeding forward, fantasy rule or
 not. The condition is the same.
 Occupant: Brother needs some wine!
 Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor Brother. But wine
 before platitudes, fill it up.
 Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism?
 Hill: I'm not sure I ever was one. Mal2 was not, Malik was. Personally I
 accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile that with the ideal. I
 finally gave up on that one too. Actually I just gave up on idealism.
 Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules. Realism lives with rocks.
 Hill: Yeah. I get along better with rocks.
 Malik: Mal2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma. If everybody was a
 pacifist then everything would be perfect. But nobody is going to be a
 pacifist unless I am first. But if I am and somebody else is not, then I get
 screwed. He said that there were five choices under that circumstance. The
 first was napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents. The
 third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was to swallow
 the dilemma. Zenarchists are trained in dilemma swallowing.
 Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE.
 Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective.
 Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian principles.
 Malik: Oh so what. Contradictions are nothing to Discordians.
 Occupant: Dilemma, Schilmemma. [to Gypsie]: What do you think of this, pretty
 ma'am? We don't get to hear your thoughts.
 Gypsie: I'm reporting now, you talk.
 Occupant: Later then?
 Gypsie: Perhaps. Later.
 Occupant: You are smiling.
 Gypsie: Hey, guy, later. [to Hill]: Doesn't this leave you a little schizy?
 Hill: It's OK, I'm half Gemini.
 Gypsie: What's the other half?
 Hill: Taurus. That makes me a stubborn schizy.
 Ignotius: I'm a Whale.
 Occupant: I choose Satyr.
 Malik: Spirits don't have signs.
 Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so.
 Occupant: Well I can have a sign if I want to and screw both of you.
 Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your characters....
 Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger. He caused you to
 create roles and those roles are being performed by us spirits.
 Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship.
 Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I created Mal2 to
 my specifications just as I conceived all the rest of you.
 Occupant: You didn't invent Eris. She caused you to think you created the
 spirit of Malaclypse.
 Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks would never
 recognize her.
 Occupant: That's what She wanted!
 Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time.
 Malik: What you don't realize is that a spirit has a self identity.
 Hill: Nope. A spirit is a product of definition and the one who is doing the
 defining around here is me. Your identity is what I say it is. Just to prove
 it, I'm going to change your name.
 SINISTER DEXTER: It's OK with me. Fate is fate. I never much liked "Mad 
 Malik" anyway.
 Ignotius: Besides people confused him with Joe Malik in ILLUMINATUS.
 Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part.
 Occupant: Doesn't prove anything anyway.
 Gypsie: That name sounds familiar. Where is it from?
 Hill: Its a name I came up with in the old days and never used it much. Its
 on page 38 of the PRINCIPIA referring to Vice President Spiro Agnew. I always
 thought I invented it but now it sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I
 think about it. It may have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV.
 Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission?
 Hill: If it is his? I don't know. I hope so. it means "left right" in Latin
 and is a perfect name for a libertarian anarchist. Actually in my kind of art
 the question of what can I use freely and what can I not is a very tricky
 Gypsie: How do you mean?
 Hill: Well, take a collage for example. Like the early one on page 36 of the
 PRINCIPIA. Each little piece was extracted from some larger work created by
 some other artist and published and maybe copyrighted. I find them in
 newspapers and magazines mostly. Often from ads. With a collage you select
 and extract from your environment and then assemble into an original
 The PRINCIPIA itself is a collage. A conceptual collage. All of it happens
 simultaneously. But visually it is a montage, passing through time, like a
 book does.
 There is a lot of pirated stuff in the PRINCIPIA, especially in the margins.
 But also I sympathize with artists who must own and sell their works to earn
 a living. Art, like knowledge, should be free fodder for everyone. But it
 isn't It is perplexing.
 Gypsie: Where did all the things in PRINCIPIA come from?
 Hill: Well, a full answer would take another book in itself. Most of the
 writing credited to a name is a true person and almost always a different
 name means a different person. Most of the non-credited, you know, Malaclyps-
 e, text is mine although some things credited to either Mal2 or Omar were
 actually co-written and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us.
 The marginalia, dingbats, and pasted in titles and heads and things came from
 wherever I found them--some of which is original but uncredited Discordian
 output, like the page head on 12 and other pages which is from a series of
 satiric memo pads from Our Peoples Underworld Cabal. All page layout is mine
 and some whole graphics like the Sacred Chao and the Hodge Podge Transformer
 are mine but mostly I just found stuff and integrated it. Mostly I did
 concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the layout.
 Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources?
 Hill: Weel, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and was spoken by
 one of his characters in Pogo. The government seals starting from page 1 are
 from a book of sample seals from the U.S. Government Printing Office. Western
 Union on page 6 got into the act because I used to be a teletype operator and
 had access to blank forms. Rubber stamps came from all over the place and
 some, like the apple on page 27, I carved myself. A few I ordered to my
 specification, like on page 1. The quote on the top of page 8 might be from
 Barnum, I'm not sure. The jumping man on page 12 is from an advertisement. I
 recognize the style--a popular commercial artist-- but I don't know his name. 
 The Chinese on the page is a grocery ad, I think. The Norton money on page 14
 is historic,plus my little additions. The apple on page 17,as well as the
 triangle on 23 and the Sacred Chao on 50 are, believe it or not, pasteups of
 mimeographs, from Seattle Cabal. That group produced the best damn mimeog-
 raphy I've ever seen. The Lick Here Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits
 making the rounds in alternative/underground newspapers in those days. Trip
 5 page header on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary's books. The
 Knight on the bull with the TV antenna on his helmet on page 46 came from a
 very artistic magazine called Horseshit and put out by two brothers from Long
 Beach. I don't remember their names. Wonderful magazine.
 Occupant: Eris told Mal2 what to use and where to find it.
 Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right. That is why my name does not appear
 anywhere on the PRINCIPIA and why it was published with a broken
 copyright--Reprint What You Like. I knew I was taking liberties and didn't
 want my intentions to be misunderstood. It was an experiment and was intended
 to be an underground work and that involves a different set of ethics than
 commercial work.
 Gypsie: There are no real names at all?
 Hall: Oh, some. Camden Benares is a real name because he legally changed his
 original name to his Holy Name. Also, instead of using Mordecai Malignatus I
 used Bob Wilson's real name on page 12 because Werewolf Bridge was a work
 before Discordianism. And of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in
 Gypsie: What do you think about the PRINCIPIA now? Would you want to change
 Hill: I consider it a successful work and I wouldn't want to change it. In
 some ways it is immature and I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, but
 it accomplished the objectives I set for myself and it has the effect I
 wanted it to have. There are a few errors though.
 Gypsie: Like what?
 Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I don't think he
 ever did forgive me for it. He's right. Starbuck's Pebbles should have been
 preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which was being saved for something else and
 never got used. I should have used it when I had the chance. And then Eris
 did a neat little trick on me by having IBM make the Greek selectric
 typewriter element not coincide with all the characters on their keyboard. So
 the little "kallisti" that appears on the title page and lastly on the back
 cover came out "kallixti" and I was too dumb to know the difference.
 Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition?
 Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal2. It is a one page telegram
 that reduces everything to an infinite aum. I found it at Western Union where
 a machine got stuck and kicked out hundreds of pages of nothing but m's. He
 made it the Fifth Edition and then left.
 Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually took 10
 years to culminate. it was one single statement that included my adolescence
 in the 50's and my young adulthood in the 60's. When I finally had the
 paste-ups done I knew that I had finished it. That is why, quote, Malaclypse
 left. I knew it was finished. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was
 Occupant: See?
 Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives. Just what were those
 Hill: Well, that's hard to answer because it kept refining itself over the
 years. In 1969 I mainly though of myself as a cosmic clown and I set out to
 prove, by demonstration, that a deity can be anything at all.
 In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around. Later I
 decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art.
 In the 50's my culture taught me that I was created by and for a deity, a
 specific male deity, and that all other deities are FALSE. Yet my growing
 experience showed me that any deity is true in some sense and false in some
 other sense. So I set out to do what my society told me is impossible--make
 a real religion from a patently absurd deity.
 In the 50's a female deity was blasphemy. In the 70's a humorous deity is
 still considered impossible, ridiculous, and blasphemous. As far as I'm
 concerned, I have proven my point. Eris is a real deity and even though I
 don't promote Erisianism as a serious religion....
 Occupant: I do!
 Dexter: You speak for yourself.
 Ignotius: Here, here.
 Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from its own
 perspective as all the others do from each of their own perspectives.
 Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path. I encourage Erisianism
 because it makes fun of itself. i think this is healthy.
 Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can live with any
 deity, including none at all.
 Dexter: I don't much go for the worship business but I argee with Occupant
 about the spirit of the thing. We live in a time of turmoil, the whole planet
 is in a state of change. If we, as a species, cower from the confusion then
 we die with the dying. This is revolution.
 Ignotius: I am an athiest myself. There is no Greg Hill.
 Gypsie [to Hill] : What do you think of ILLUMINATUS?
 Hill: Oh, I love it. I was finishing PRINCIPIA when Shea and Wilson were
 working on ILLUMINATUS. It took Dell five years to publish it...maybe that is
 significant. The 1969 Discordian Society was a mail network between
 independent writers of various kinds. Norton Cabal was just me and my
 characters and I used the other Cabals as sort of a laboratory. In return
 other Discordians would bounce their stuff off of me. We would toss in ideas
 and anybody could take anything out. It was a concept stew. The exchanging of
 ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of us.
 I like ILLUMINATUS for the surrealism. A very effective method of writing.
 Ignotius: I got misquoted. Worse, I wasn't even in that scene and if I had
 been then I would have said something else.
 Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene.
 Ignotius: Oh, is that what that was?
 Dexter: He got our names mixed up.
 Hill: He got mixed up about me too, in COSMIC TRIGGER. Bob says that when
 Oswald was buying the assassination rifle, my girlfriend was printing the
 first edition of PRINCIPIA on Jim Garrison's Xerox. It wasn't my girlfriend,
 it was Kerry's; it wasn't the FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, it was some earlier
 Discordian thought; it wasn't Garrison's Xerox, it was his mimeograph; and it
 wasn't just before Kennedy was shot but a couple of years before that.*
 The FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, by the way, was reproduced at Xerox Corp when
 xerography was a new technology Gypsie. Which was my second New Orleans trip
 in 1965. I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street who was a Xerox salesman by
 Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from Hagbard. If someone
 pulls a weapon on me, I'm more inclined to either leave or kill the
 Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist.
 Dexter: I'm speaking figuratively of course. I'll tell you more tomorrow.
 Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry?
 Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name. I signed it "Robert Anton Wilson".
 [A quick rap is heard on the door]
 Gypsie: I have only one question left...
 Dexter: I'll get it.
 Gypsie: ...what I really want to know is how can we all fit inside of a tiny
 little post office box?
 Dexter[to Gypsie]:It's a telegram for you, from Mal2.
 Gypsie: To me?
 [Paper tearing]
 Gypsie [reading]: "If I told everybody how they could live inside of a post
 office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and go live inside
 their post office boxes. It would collapse the building! Can you imagine,
 post offices collapsing all over the country, the hemisphere, the PLANET! The
 whole world's communication system would be destroyed. No,no, I must not say.
 I dare not!
 * I checked this further with Mr. Thornley. He says that the woman in
 question was not his girlfriend, she was just a friend, and it wasn't a
 couple of years before Kennedy was shot but had to be a couple of years after
 (but before Garrison investigated Thornley). --GS

Next: Handfasting (CAW)