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Forty Modern Fables, by George Ade, [1901], at

The Fable of The Foozie & The Successful Approach

   EVERY year a lot of Americans went over to London to rub up against the Aristocracy, if possible. One year two Men went over. They intended to hang around and look Wistful until the Nobility and Landed Gentry would take some Notice of them.

    Each had a Scheme for securing Recognition.

    The first chased himself to Regent Street and bought an entire Outfit of British Clothes. He began to use the sound of A as in Father and say Mean Things about the Boers. He held his Hat in his Hand whenever he approached a Title. He went out of his Way to run down the vulgar Americans. Consequently he was walked upon and despised as a Toady.

    The other Man allowed his Hair to grow down over his Collar. He wore a Buck Taylor Hat with a Leather Strap around it and kept it at an Angle of 45 degrees. He refused the B. and S. and demanded Cocktails. When he met an Englishman he called him Pard and held out his Flipper and said he'd be catawampously Jiggered if he wasn't allfired Proud to meet him. He plucked the Tail Feathers from the gullorious Bird of Freedom and waved them defiantly at the Lion and the Unicorn. He said that the British Isles were merely a Breakwater for the Continent and wouldn't make a Patch on the Land of Liberty.

    He was invited to all the Drawing-Rooms because it was a Pleasure to meet such a breezy and Typical American.

MORAL: When you are in Rome do as the Romans expect you to do.

Next: The Fable of The Old-Time Pedagogue Who Came Down from the Shelf and Was Sufficiently Bumped